Thursday, January 11, 2007

Comments Lost

Apparently switching formats ate all the old comments. I apologize to anyone who spent hours coming up with a perfect insult. We'll see how the new system works.

In 2004, I put 631 posts on this blog.
2005, 390.
Last year, only 144.

My goal for 2007 is at least 145 posts, most likely involving hamsters or underwear.

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Hamster Update

One of the hamsters has leprosy, mange, or cancer and looks like it will drop any minute. It doesn't seem to be in pain but looks like it went through a blender.

As I began this post I realized that I didn't bury the hamster's body that I left in the garage the other night. It's this inattention to detail that makes me glad I didn't go into serial killing.

Monday, January 08, 2007


What's happened since last post (in no particular order):

1. Two hamsters died. Pikachu and one of the babies born on February 11, 2004. Both went on the same day without an apparent connection. I took the cowardly way out--sneaking them outside, burying them under a pine tree, and telling my daughter that they must have escaped. She set out food for them until...

2. I replaced them with two rabbits. (Okay, there is a definite order tor these two points). She was thrilled but it turned out I dramatically under-estimated the amount of solid and liquid waste that rabbits produce. And it turns out they won't touch carrots. Mel Blanc lied to me.

3. Finished UC and NKU. NKU paid me before I was expecting them. UC held my check until after I had already sent out a pack of bills. If Ford had lived another week, I would have covered everything. As it was, UC used his death as an excuse to slow down the pipe line. Cost me $200.

4. Enrollment dropped unexpectedly at Clermont so the department took away one of my classes and gave it to a full-timer. Merry Christmas.

5. In early December, my wife threw a tantrum at my step-daughter which climaxed with her (my wife) refusing to accept any Christmas presents. I didn't argue. This saved us financially.

6. I got a flat tire today. For the record, Ford's jack for the Jeep Cherokee is the worst designed jack I've ever used.

7. Another hamster died today. I smuggled its corpse out to the garage for burial at a later date.

8. I almost finished a Christmas episode of "Devilboy and Evil Dad." I'll save it for next year.

9. Five workers were hired at the deli. Four have already quit plus two of the older workers. The last guy is thinking of moving to Alabama.

One of the workers was doing fine until she heard two of the older folk (one of which has since departed) make negative remarks about lesbians. Said worker was a lesbian and immediately quit.

I would understand but the worker who instigated the conversation is also a lesbian and very open about it. (She made out with a girl in the bakery a few days ago on the clock.) If I heard a fat guy make cracks about fat people, I might disagree but I wouldn't be offended, certainly not to the point of quitting a job.

Of course, the deli is a horrible place to work so maybe she was just looking for an excuse.

10. UC gave me the wrong room number for my Wednesday night class. I had to check on-line registration to find out where it was. Another instructor was given the room number of the fitness center so I can't really complain.

11. Got the new Blogger format (hence the goofy colors).

Saturday, November 18, 2006

For Her Own Good

More from fun at high school:
An Anderson County teenager has filed a lawsuit over her temporary dismissal from a weightlifting class by a principal who feared male students might try to rape her.

"It was a hard call."

Would they do this to a cute boy if he insisted on wearing biker shorts to Home Ec?
Tom Hanks Falls to Death

Well, this would have brightened at least one person's day.
Dogs and Cats Living in Sin

Cog? Dat? Catdog? Big Joke?

It seems to me than anyone with access to newborn puppies could have taken a picture like this. And doesn't the cat look like it's on acid?
Stan Chick/Jack Lee

You know those moronic religious comic books that jackasses leave under the windshield wiper of your car? Imagine if the king of comics lent a hand:

What If Stan Lee wrote Jack Chick Comics?

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Five-Year-Old with Knife

When they say zero-tolerance, they mean it. I thought my step-daughter's school was nuts for going after her for not tattling but this district is handing a kindergartener his head.

I'd hate to own stock in Swiss Army knives.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Snitching is Mandatory

The powers who be in Nagel Middle School gave my step-daughter a detention last week.

For some unknown reason, another girl in her homeroom gave her [the other girl] boyfriend a knife for his birthday. Being a swift thinker, she decided to give it to him at school. Before classes started so he'd have extra time to be stupid.

Showing he was her intellectual equal, he began flashing the knife to everyone he met, including my step-daughter. Not one of the kids described Birthday Boy as aggressive or threatening--he was just mighty proud of his knife.

It looks like he and his girl are on the road to home-schooling. My step-daughter was hauled off to the office for not immediately turning him in. Back in my day, when we rode to school courtesy of Fred's two feet, most guys carried some sort of pocket knife to school. Before the era of plastic pop bottles, soft drinks were sold in glass containers which required a bottle opener--you may have seen one of these in a museum. Everybody carried a knife with a built-in opener. It's a wonder we weren't all killed on a daily basis. With schools' zero-tolerance policies today, I'd imagine a glass bottle could be viewed as a potential weapon.

Back in my day, we had to use our imagination a little to see all school employees as morons. Now adults feel obliged to prove it to them.
I Live Near Most of Them

"Nearly half the U.S. population believes the earth is less than 10,000 years old? Say it ain't so!"

How does the U.S. compare with other countries in terms of belief in evolution? Not so hot. A study of attitudes in 34 countries published in Science in 2006 shows that the United States ranks last in popular acceptance of evolution except for Turkey. Almost 40 percent of Americans in this study flatly rejected evolution, whereas the comparable numbers in European countries and Japan ranged from 7 to 15 percent. That may partly reflect U.S. high school kids' dismal math and science scores relative to other developed countries, which to my mind underscores a home truth: the more you know, the less you take on faith.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Socially Acceptable Jerk?

Two possibly related bits of news: Frat vs. Borat and jerk tricks women into stripping.

I don't feel sorry for the dopes Borat tricked but apparently alcohol was involved. Does that excuse them? I'd say no. Most people feel that Borat just exposed their stupidity and give him a pass.

I've read of cases of con men who trick women in to taking their clothes off in public (one did it over the phone and actually convinced fast food managers to undress female customers). How do women fall for this? There's a subclass of criminals who go door to door, claiming to be doctors or tailors, offering free breast exams or measurements. (Although this might seem so stupid it's funny, it's how the Boston Strangler got started.)

"We don't know what his potential gain is, if it's sexual gratification or he's trying to be funny, but it's a serious crime," [Police Sgt. John ] Konkol said.

If all he's trying to do is be funny, how different is he from Borat? Is it still a serious crime? How could anyone fall for a story like that?